3 Concrete Signs A Man Is Trustworthy
We hear the word “trust” a lot when it comes to relationships (any relationship!). But in romantic endeavors, trust plays a much larger role. Trust is especially challenging for people who have been hurt in the past. They don’t want to be betrayed again and may struggle with how to trust or create reasons why they should or shouldn’t.
They end up torn, asking, “Should I trust him?” over and over again. So, should they? Some people aren’t worthy of trust, no matter how open-minded and tolerant you are.
Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) stated, “Trust is paradoxical. To some extent, trust is grounded in cues that provide evidence of one’s value to the partner. But, to some extent, trust is also independent of such cues, requiring a leap of faith that goes beyond the evidence at hand.” Fortunately, there’s a way to know if you can trust him and gauge the good from the bad.
Here are three concrete signs a man is trustworthy, according to psychology:
1. He’s invested in you
If a man is investing in you, he sees a future in your union. You don’t need to fret about trying to get him to commit — he’s ready to do it all on his own! But what does this mean, exactly?
When a man is investing in a woman, it means he’s offering his presence, attention, time, and energy. He’s making plans with her, he’s asking her about herself, and, when she replies, he’s putting down his phone so he can listen.
He’s not making plans that exclude her, and he’s not giving her the bare minimum, like a text or two each day — just enough to string her along. A 2017 study on the interconnection between attachment, trust, and satisfaction in relationships showed, “male and female attachment avoidance, as well as male attachment anxiety, predicted lower dyadic trust, which in turn predicted lower relationship satisfaction.”
2. He has integrity
Does the man you’re seeing have integrity in other areas of his life? Is he nice to you but rude to the waiter? Does he seem OK but spend his days complaining about how he doesn’t get along with a single co-worker (literally, not one!)?
Does he proudly tell you about the time he dined and dashed at Red Lobster or how he wrote a computer code that skimmed money out of his client’s accounts?
The question of integrity is an easy riddle to solve: if a man has integrity with others, he’ll have it with you. If he doesn’t, well, then you also have your answer. “When at least one relationship partner was low in trust, both partners felt less close following the conflict discussions,” explained a 2015 APA study.
3. He values what you say and think
In third place is influence. What do we mean by this? Frankly, how open is your guy to being influenced by you? Does he value what you say and think?
This is in no way to imply a man needs to be a puppet and fail to think for himself, since that’s not trustworthy either. It doesn’t mean he needs to change his values or opinions. But he does need to hold space for you and acknowledge your feelings.
So, ask if he emotionally validates you or if he brushes you off and minimizes everything you say, think, and feel? A man who validates you is one you can trust. A man who doesn’t is one who isn’t worth your time or energy.
The influence of trust is also critical in conflict resolution, as the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology put it, “The greater a person’s trust in their partner, the more positively they tend to remember the number, severity, and consequentiality of their partner’s past transgressions.”