5 Ways Parents Can Build Connection at Preschool

When a child starts preschool, the focus is usually on them: Are they ready? Will they make friends? Will they cry at drop-off?

But there’s another layer we don’t always talk about: What does the transition mean for you as a parent?

In many U.S. preschools, parents are expected to drop their child off, say a quick goodbye, and leave. That routine might be practical, but it often leaves parents feeling isolated, uncertain, and emotionally unanchored.

We live in a time of intensive parenting, when being a “good parent” often feels like managing everything perfectly, privately, and alone. Many of us strive for connection, but hesitate to ask for help. We avoid sharing how hard parenting really feels, fearing judgment or rejection, and worried that vulnerability might damage our self-worth or image. Yet when we take the risk to open up, it often invites others to do the same.

This is something I practice in my classroom, regularly encouraging students to share stories and open up. I’ve seen it work: When one person shares, another follows. The act of sharing becomes its own invitation, creating a social norm in which honesty builds connection.

This process reflects findings from a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, which showed that even when support from family is available, many low-income new parents hesitate to seek it out. Asking for help can feel emotionally risky—tied up in fears of indebtedness, pride, or a desire to appear independent. These findings show that the real barrier isn’t the availability of support; it’s the discomfort of initiating it. But when safe, trusting spaces invite voluntary sharing—as we see in classrooms or preschools—people often respond with openness. Vulnerability becomes contagious. And that’s when social capital begins to grow, through reciprocity, shared norms, and mutual care.

What Sweden and Cambodia have in common

Recently, I came across a thoughtful article in The Guardian about Sweden’s approach to starting preschool—something they call inskolning, which translates to “settling in.” It’s a gentle, structured process over several days (and sometimes longer) during which parents stay in the classroom with their child. Children gradually adjust while parents observe, support, and begin building relationships with teachers and other families.

What makes this possible is Sweden’s family-centred infrastructure, including paid parental leave that gives caregivers the flexibility to be present. And it acknowledges something fundamental: Transitions happen to both children and parents.

This Swedish practice mirrors something I’ve studied in a very different part of the world. In a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, I surveyed more than 700 parents and caregivers of children aged 3 to 5 across 41 preschools in Cambodia—including state-run, community-based, and home-based settings. These informal preschools, often located in rural villages, operated with limited resources and minimal government oversight. Yet despite lacking structured parent programs, they created spaces for connection.

In the home- and community-based programs, parents often stayed nearby, sitting in classrooms, observing teachers, and casually chatting with one another. Through these everyday interactions, they exchanged parenting advice and shared local news.

This informal environment facilitates social capital—a set of relational assets built through:

• Informational channels (exchanging stories and strategies)
• Reciprocity (offering help with the expectation of mutual care)
• Social norms (encouraging shared beliefs about parenting and support)

Our study found that these forms of connection led to real, measurable outcomes:

• Children showed stronger cognitive, social-emotional, and physical health development.
• Parents reported reduced use of harsh discipline, increased involvement in learning, and more equitable gender role attitudes.

What Can Parents Do?

So what can parents in the U.S.—without Swedish policies or Cambodian village culture—do to build similar forms of connection and support?

Here are five small, intentional actions you can take to build connection at your child’s preschool:

1. Linger (just a little). Even if your school doesn’t offer formal transition time, linger a few extra minutes. Smile at the teacher. Ask a small question. Greet another parent. These tiny acts of presence build familiarity for your child and for you.

2. Start a “friendly hello” habit with other parents. Many of us long for connection but fear initiating it. We worry about seeming intrusive or awkward. But often, other parents feel the same. A simple “Good morning!” or “Is this your child’s first week too?” can open the door to meaningful support. When you share something small, it gives others permission to share back.

3. Model interest in learning. Watch how teachers manage emotions, handle conflict, or encourage independence. Take cues you can use at home. When children see consistency between school and home, they feel secure.

4. Invite connections outside the classroom. Suggest a park meet-up. Offer to coordinate snacks. Ask, “Would you like to exchange numbers?” Parenting feels lighter when we share the load.

5. Talk to your child about people—not just activities. Ask, “Who did you help today?” or “Who helped you?” These questions help build emotional intelligence and offer a window into your child’s relationships—perspectives that can be used to connect with teachers or other parents.

The common thread across these actions is social capital. When you ask another parent about drop-off struggles, you create an informational channel. When you offer help or check in after a tough morning, you create reciprocity. And when small acts of presence—such as saying hello or exchanging numbers—become part of the culture, you help form social norms that say: This is a place where people care.

Why this matters

We’re parenting in a time of connection overload and emotional isolation. We care a lot, but often carry that care alone. In 2024, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a public advisory warning that parental stress is a serious public health concern. Nearly half of all parents report feeling completely overwhelmed most days, and 65% say they feel lonely. These aren’t just emotional states; they’re conditions that can undermine both parent and child well-being. Murthy calls parenting a “team sport” and urges communities to show up for one another, even without being asked. Something as simple as checking in with another parent or offering a moment of presence, can have significant effects on mental health.

Support often begins not with a formal program, but with the courage to ask for help and the safety to offer it. Preschool remains one of the few shared spaces where families gather regularly. When used with intention, it can become a quiet but powerful hub for rebuilding connection. Social capital doesn’t grow from policy alone; it’s developed in everyday moments: lingering a little longer, offering a hello, sharing a small story.

As Robert Putnam warned in Bowling Alone, our civic fabric is fraying. But connection doesn’t need to be engineered from the top down. With small, consistent acts of openness, generosity, and trust, we can rebuild the networks that help families not just survive parenting but feel genuinely supported in it.

When we show up, not only for our children, but for one another, everyone learns to belong. And sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do as parents is simply let each other know we’re not alone. Let connection be part of the curriculum.