6 tips for moving on when your ex is doing better without you

How to deal with the temptation of looking for a second chance now that your ex has become more attractive, handsome, financially well-off, grown up, or interesting?

It has been a few months or even years after you broke up and it appears they are having the time of their life. Single life looks good on them and your heartache gets worse.

This is especially true if you initiated the breakup. Regret starts to creep in, you wonder if you made the wrong choice and that you are the creator of your misery.

You might even be tempted to contact them if only to stop the questioning. You might think that now is a good time to try and see if you can get back together in these ‘new’ and ‘improved’ ways.

You are not alone. Here are five tips to help you move on:

1. He or she has genuinely moved on

Stop wondering if they are making a show of having fun and doing better to get your attention. That is simply their way of getting through the heartbreak.

On the other hand, the truth might be that the break-up did not affect them the way it affected you. Work on finding your own healing without them.

2. The break up was the motivation

The break-up was a wake-up call to change. Some people simply take painful experiences and use them to become better. This can take the form of getting in better shape in the gym, taking better care of themselves and getting serious about life.

It has nothing to do with you other than the break-up forced them to change.

3. How have you changed?

If you want them back because they have become better, in what ways have you? It is not a competition, but if you are sad and getting back is what you need to feel better, then you have lost.

Even if you get back together, there will be noticeable changes that you will struggle to adjust to if you are insecure.

4. What it says about you

Obsessing over an ‘improved’ ex will not lead you to any peace. First of all, it shows that you are superficial and consequently, that the reasons for breaking up were superficial.

Even if real issues were the cause, you neglect your emotions to go back to where they were hurt.

Be happy for them. Work on finding your peace.

5. If you get back together

What if he or she reverts back to the old version of themselves after you get back? What will happen then? This will end worse than the first time.

They have not changed in concrete ways that you can experience. It only looks that way on the outside so don’t imagine anything more.

6. Before you broke up

Did you speak up before the breakup? Did you communicate effectively? Did you speak up about any problems before the relationship was ruined? Take responsibility for your wellness and healing. You obviously cannot change the person, and now they look like have changed for themselves. Good luck to them and better luck next time.


Everyone deals with breakups and failed relationships differently. If you did not work on fixing the relationship, there’s little chance that new circumstances will solve the issues. Don’t try to compete for who is doing better, and simply be better for yourself.


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