Am I Ready To Have A Baby? 12 Questions To Ask Yourself First
You might have always dreamed of being the fun aunt and never wanted children. Or maybe you’ve always wanted children and couldn’t wait to have kids of your own.
Either way, you won’t really know if you want kids of your own until you spend time with a baby and wonder for yourself: am I ready to have a baby?
Having a baby is a transformative event in your life that requires a lot of responsibility, so you need to make sure that having one is something you not only really want, but are ready for.
According to Clinical Hypnotherapist and Spiritual Life Coach Keya Murthy, you know you are ready to have a baby when you know you have or can create the time, space, and money to take of another human one-hundred-percent.
“The biggest signs that you are ready to have a baby is when you and your partner love yourself equally and you have a support structure,” she explains, as well as “being financially stable with a healthy savings account and at least one steady source of income to keep up your lifestyle.”
On the other hand, the biggest sign you aren’t ready to have your baby is when you have the slightest doubt of caring for another human more than you care for yourself.
“When your baby arrives, your life seemingly goes out the window and your needs are put to a halt because a baby is here and is totally dependent on you,” Murthy says. “If you know you cannot be there for your baby 100% then do not have a baby.”
If you’re wondering when to have a baby, the ideal time most women want to get pregnant is between their late 20s and early 30s, according to their biological clock.
You might not ever feel completely ready to have a baby but thinking in the right mindset and following all the right steps before is essential for when the time actually comes and you bring your baby into the world.
So, am I ready to have a baby, you ask?
Before you start baby planning, ask yourself these questions to see if you’re ready or not to start a family.
1. How are your finances?
If you’re planning to have a baby you will definitely need to learn how to manage and save your money. Having a baby is a big investment as it takes a lot of supplies, clothes, diapers, food, and more to successfully raise a child.
In fact, a 2017 report suggested that it costs over $200,000 to raise a child from birth to the age of 17.
You need to be ready to change your spending and saving habits in ways that will be beneficial for having a baby, such as spending less on your wants and saving for your needs. You also need extra money to prepare for accidents and issues that might arise along the way.
How much money should I have saved before having a baby? Intuit Money Expert Kimmie Greene told CNBC that it’s a good idea to have at least a year’s salary put away before giving birth.
It’s a smart idea to imagine what your baby-life budget is going to look like and start budgeting for that and start a small savings account.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You currently have disposable income each month after paying all your bills.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You don’t have a savings account.
2. Can you imagine not going out all the time or having time to yourself?
This is something you’ll lose for sure if you’re having a baby. You’ll have to be okay with forgoing the fun activities you enjoyed doing. Not inevitably, but for the time being, while raising your baby in its early years.
You have to be willing to sacrifice nights out with the girls and fun trips to the movies and going out to new and fancy restaurants with friends and family members or your partner.
You’ll also have to largely sacrifice “me time,” like treating yourself to go out shopping, get your nails done, or going to a spa, or sitting in a coffee shop for hours.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You can imagine spending the majority of the time with your baby.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You can’t imagine changing your daily routine and social life for a baby.
3. Can you handle a temper tantrum?
Babies will cry at just about anything and while you might meet a baby that is calm, cool, and collected, another baby could be pouty, whiny, and angry all the time. You never know what type of baby you’re going to get and if you can’t deal with crying that’s a big red flag.
Babies have temper tantrums all the time. Kicking, screaming, and yelling are inevitable in a fussy baby and if you don’t think you can handle that or thank your birth control whenever you see a crying baby, then maybe you’re not quite ready.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: Crying babies don’t bother you.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You’re not ready to give up sleep to stop a baby from crying.
4. Are you okay with your plans being canceled unexpectedly?
If you’re the type of person to have laid plans out in advance, know that having a baby can throw your plans for a loop at any time.
Predictability isn’t something you can rely on when you have a baby and you have to be comfortable with the chances that you’re plans are going to be canceled, no matter how many months in advance you might have planned ahead.
If you find that you’re extremely frustrated when your friends cancel plans on you and will be annoyed about it for a while then maybe you won’t be comfortable having to do that often if you have a baby.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You don’t mind canceling plans for the unexpected.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You don’t like plans being changed on a whim.
5. Are you comfortable asking for help?
Not everyone can raise a baby on their own. If you’ve ever heard the saying “it takes a village,” that’s because it really does. Between your parents, a close friend, and babysitters, you’ll need a lot of help sometimes while raising a baby.
You need to be comfortable asking for help because you won’t be able to do everything on your own even if you do have the help of your partner as well. You’ll also need helpful support systems and doctors and local resources.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You have no problem asking for help when you need it.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You aren’t comfortable with asking for help.
6. Does being needed by someone give you the ick?
For lots of people, feeling needed by someone can feel special and rewarding. However, some people get uncomfortable when they know someone needs their help all the time.
If you can’t stand when someone genuinely depends on you on a daily basis, that’s a red flag that you cannot commit to a baby as they will make you feel uncomfortable and you won’t be able to give the baby the needed time and attention it requires.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You’re ready for a baby to require one-hundred-percent of your time and energy and are okay with it depending on and needing you.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You physically and mentally cannot stand a baby needing all your time and attention as well as it depending on you 100 percent of the time.
7. Does staying at home sound better than traveling?
Depending on your financial status, when you have a baby, extravagant or romantic trips become much more difficult as all your time and energy will be devoted to your baby. While family vacations are always an option, expect your downtime to look a lot different than what you’re used to.
You won’t have the luxury to pack up at a moment’s notice to go on a fun little vacation, as having a baby is a serious ordeal and requires a lot of change to your lifestyle.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You are okay with not being able to travel all the time or at least for a while after having a baby.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You don’t want to sacrifice not being able to travel and the freedom to do some exploring around the world.
8. Does your body require a full night’s sleep?
If you have a baby, you know that your sleep schedule is always going to be messed up because a baby is so unpredictable.
You’ll never be able to depend on having your full 8 hours of sleep because your baby could interrupt that.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You will be willing to sacrifice your beloved sleep schedule and be sleep deprived sometimes.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You can’t function without a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
9. Are you and your current significant other having relationship problems?
This might be the most obvious sign that you’re not ready to have a baby, at least with your current partner. If you’re already having problems, then a baby shouldn’t even be a thing that’s mentioned.
If the two of you have a hard time communicating then there’s no way the two of you are ready to have a baby. You also should talk to your partner if you actually are interested in having a baby and see if they are on the same page.
If you don’t want to have a baby but your partner does and vice versa then that’s a major problem the two of you have to work through.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You and your partner want to have a baby and are willing to go to relationship therapy and work out a good communication style.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You and your partner are on different pages on having a baby or the two of you are constantly arguing with each other.
10. Do you even like kids?
This should be an important question and the answer should come very fast to mind if you actually enjoy the company of children.
If it’s an immediate no, then you probably shouldn’t have a baby. But if it’s a yes, then you could consider having a baby.
You’ll also have to be comfortable with the presence of kids other than your own once your child gets old enough to go to pre-school.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You love kids and can’t wait to have a child of your own.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You hate being around kids and find them a nuisance.
11. Do you think you’ll be able to share your space?
When you have a child, there are a lot of different things you need to buy for it to entertain and calm them. You’ll have a lot of different furniture only meant for your baby and its stuff will likely take up a lot of space.
You need to be willing to share your space with your baby and be comfortable with baby-specific items and furniture in your house — not to mention the mess!
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You are willing to share your house with all of your baby’s needs.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: You aren’t willing to sacrifice your precious space for a baby.
12. Can you function without having some quiet time to yourself?
If you’re the type of person who needs some quiet time every day then maybe a baby isn’t the best thing for you.
Having a baby takes a lot of time and dedication and you have to be willing to give up your abundant alone time.
The biggest sign you’re ready to have a baby: You are comfortable with not having your alone time anymore as you feel ready for kids.
The biggest sign you aren’t ready to have a baby: Your alone time is non-negotiable and you can’t imagine not having that.