Video: Amos Kevin-Annan talks 5 things you need to build a solid home
The home is a very essential part of the family system. The home is the heart of the house.
Increasingly we find a lot of husbands running out of the home to find comfort in other places, either the ‘boys boys’ hangout, sports, chill out, or workplace.
Men naturally go into hiding and women coil back in their shells whenever there is tension at home.
Some may choose to go quiet or stonewall you whenever they realize there is tension.
But this may not be the case for a family built on solid ground. There is nothing like a home built on solid ground.
In every relationship, there are bound to be some form of turbulence but how you manage it will determine if indeed your home is built on solid ground.
How often do you fight in your home?
Do you give up at the least provocation from your spouse?
Is your home built on solid ground or sandy soil?
In today’s edition of Effective Living Series on Accra-based Citi FM monitored by theghanareport.com, a youth Counselor Amos Kevin-Annan takes us on a journey of maintaining the balance in the family.
Effective Living Series – Focus on the family
Amos Kevin-Annan is Bernard Avle's guest on this morning's edition of the Effective Living Series. The topic this morning is 'focus on the family'. #EffectiveLiving #CitiCBS
Posted by Citi 97.3 FM on Thursday, January 23, 2020
Here are five building blocks for building your home on solid ground:
The home is a place where we are forming people. Mr Kevin-Annan believes the house is merely a structure and it is up to the individual to create an atmosphere of harmony.
If individuals cannot create harmony in the home, then there is no way the home will be able to stand the test of time.
There is a need to begin to look at the constructional material used in building the home.
People grow well when there is harmony not when we are undermining each other in the home.
Harmony is one of the key building blocks for every home.
Mr Kevin-Annan believes the harmony must first start with the husband and wife and then spread on to their children.
Today so many people are investing time in their children forgetting about their spouses’.
Some tend to forget that before they became parents they were first couples.
“When your kids leave, that’s where you feel that emptiness and you will realise you failed to create that bond of friendship,” he said.
According to him, “the home must be a sanitorium, the psychiatric mates do not see others as insane members, they see themselves as one.”
At the home, one should look insane still be received favourably by the family.
He recounted his days as a young boy, how his father used to ‘roar and roll on the floor.’
“You can act insane without being judged. The slightest thing you hear people say now is, I can’t stand that nonsense, I can’t stand this and they give up. ”
It is said the wounds of a friend can be trusted because they hurt you to heal you. It is only those who are closest to you who can hurt you profoundly.
Friendship is the second key building material one may need in the home.
It is important to have that level of friendship with your family, your family can be your go-to for everything and anything.
And when you create that balance in the home, it will be your haven.
The third is the adjustment. If you don’t adjust there is no way you can have coherence in the home.
It is important that in the family we all learn to adjust, Mr Kevin-Annan said with much conviction.
“In the family, we get attracted to people’s strengths rather than their weaknesses. What we fail to realize is that you have to be ready to create accommodation for their weaknesses as well. “
Making inferences from the bible, he said: “Even for Adam and Eve’s family, there was blame game, sibling rivalry which led to the unfortunate death of one.”
So, it is important to adjust to fit together.
Also, he made a clear distinction between ‘conversation and communication’ in the home.
In explaining, he mentioned that communication is more formal and structural while conversations are informal.
There is a need to communicate well
“Conversations tend to communicate feelings. We should endeavour to create an understanding with whomever we are communicating with.”
Sadly, today many things have been replaced with the introduction of smartphones.
“Your calendar has been replaced by your watch, phones. Make sure your family is not replaced.”
You see two individuals at an eatery who are to have a relaxing conversation but then you see them on their phones for long hours, no communication.
Last but not least, how we manage conflict in the home is extremely significant.
We need to creatively handle conflict. We must understand that we are all prone to conflict.
“After a heated argument, a husband left for work without saying a word to his wife. He came back after two hours and when the wife asked why he is back so early and inquired if he left something, he simply said….”I left you!
“If you cannot creatively manage your home then, you have not built on a solid foundation, ” he stressed.