Gaslit and deceived? 3 ways you’re falling for manipulation
You feel like you’re losing your grip on reality. One moment, you’re sure your partner said something hurtful. The next, they’re telling you it never happened. Maybe you’re just being too sensitive. Maybe you’re overreacting. Or maybe you’re being gaslit.
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of manipulation. It makes you question your perceptions, memory, and even sanity. But what if, without realizing it, you’re helping your manipulative partner keep you trapped? Here are three ways you may be helping the cycle—and how to break free.
1. You Apologize When You’ve Done Nothing Wrong
Example: Leila confronted her boyfriend, Damian, about his cruel remark at dinner. He scoffed instead of owning up to it, “You’re always twisting my words. I never said that.” After an hour of back-and-forth, Leila apologized for “misunderstanding” him—even though she was sure he said it.
Why It Happens: Gaslighters thrive on shifting blame and making their victims doubt their reality. If you constantly apologize to “keep the peace,” you reinforce their control over the narrative.
How to Stop: The next time you catch yourself apologizing for something you know isn’t your fault, pause. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry,” try: “I remember what happened, and I won’t be made to doubt myself.” This sets a boundary while reinforcing your confidence in your reality.
2. You Try to Prove Your Side of the Story
Example: Jonah’s girlfriend, Sylvia, constantly rewrote history. If he brought up something she said last week, she’d insist, “I never said that,” or “You’re making things up again.” Jonah would spend hours scrolling through messages, desperately trying to find proof—only for Sylvia to dismiss it with, “You’re so obsessed with being right.”
Why It Happens: When someone gaslights you, your instinct is to defend yourself. But this keeps you locked in a cycle of proving and justifying your reality—when they don’t care about the truth. They care about control.
How to Stop: Instead of engaging in the “proof game,” try this: “I know what I heard, and I don’t need to prove it to you.” This prevents them from pulling you into an endless loop of self-doubt.
3. You Stay Silent to Avoid Conflict
Example: Mira’s husband, Xavier, reacted explosively whenever she expressed frustration. Over time, she learned that keeping quiet was safer. She wouldn’t have to deal with the exhausting cycle of being gaslit if she didn’t challenge him.
Why It Happens: Gaslighters use emotional punishment—whether through anger, coldness, or guilt—to silence you. The more you stay quiet, the more they win.
How to Stop: Start with small acts of defiance. Speak up in neutral situations. Say “I don’t agree” without backing down. If confrontation is impossible, confide in a friend or therapist first to rebuild your voice.
Final Thought: Take Back Your Reality
If you see yourself in these patterns, don’t blame yourself—manipulative partners are skilled at making you doubt your mind. But awareness is the first step. Trust your instincts. Hold your ground. And remember: anyone who truly loves you won’t make you question your reality.