How feeling unworthy can stifle achievement

A client—I’ll call her Jackie—described the acute anxiety she feels about her new promotion. Jackie, a Black woman working in a predominantly white, male workplace, expressed concern that some of her co-workers might be expecting her to fail.

“Every Sunday, I start to feel panic. What if my manager regrets hiring me? I am making a lot more money now. Am I worth it?”

Jackie felt haunted by feelings of inadequacy at the precise time in her life when she was succeeding the most. Rationally, she knew she deserved the promotion, having proved herself a top performer. Emotionally, she couldn’t shake the fear that she was unworthy of a high-paying promotion.

The Psychology of Self-Worth and Success

Feeling unworthy can hamper your ability to achieve your goals and aspirations. Low self-esteem can lead you to underestimate what is possible. It can make you anxious when you step out of the familiar into the new.

This sense of inadequacy often stems from various sources, including childhood experiences, societal expectations, and personal setbacks. When you feel unworthy, you will likely experience negative emotions, like anxiety and depression, that can stifle your motivation.

If you cannot visualize yourself as successful, it’s difficult to maintain the motivation to work hard toward a challenging goal. Researchers found that feeling worthy makes us feel better and enhances our initiative to take on challenges (Baumeister et al., 2003).

Understanding Unworthiness

Unworthiness is the feeling of being undeserving or lacking the necessary qualities to succeed. Childhood experiences of mistreatment, such as abandonment, abuse, excessive criticism, or neglect, can lead to feelings of unworthiness.

Children tend to blame themselves for the mistreatment they experience, even if the fault is with the abusive environment. Similarly, experiencing racial or class prejudice and injustice can cause anxiety, leading to doubts about one’s abilities and worthiness. Our sense of self stems from our interactions with the world. Unfortunately, we do not live in a just world.

Jackie remembered times throughout her life when she was made to feel less than her peers because of her race and gender. As an academic superstar, many teachers questioned whether she did her own work. The pain from that questioning of her abilities and her integrity remained.

In a study of college students’ self-esteem, researchers found that Black Americans were more likely to be treated as inferior, second-class citizens and suffer lower self-esteem as a result (Nadal, et al. 2014).

Despite performing exceptionally well at work and in her academic life, Jackie still wore the scars from racist and sexist comments and assumptions about her abilities and character.

The Psychological Impact

Low feelings of self-worth are associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and attention difficulties. Anxiety and depression can lead you to blame yourself for your failures and disregard your accomplishments. Seeing yourself through a distorted lens of negativity can limit you from taking risks or pursuing opportunities (Henrickson et al., 2017).

Behavioral Consequences

Feeling unworthy can lead to behaviour patterns that stifle productivity. You might tend to procrastinate or avoid difficult tasks altogether. Or you might be perfectionistic, setting unrealistic standards for yourself and feeling devastated when you fail to meet them. Additionally, you might shy away from seeking help or support, believing you do not deserve it or will be judged (Hajloo, 2014). Jackie often felt she had to perform perfectly just to be allowed in the room where decisions are made.

Impaired Decision-Making

Feeling unworthy can also impair decision-making. When you feel unworthy, you may struggle to make decisions, fearing that you will make the wrong choice. This hesitation can lead to indecisiveness and inaction, preventing you from moving forward on your goals. If the outcome of your decision is negative, you can fear your own harsh judgment. This can lead to a paralyzing over-analysis of every decision (Pignault et al. 2023).

Build Competencies

Researchers observed that those with high self-esteem engage in behaviours focused on building competency. These actions increase job productivity, life satisfaction, and psychological outcomes (Lent et al., 2011).

The best way to start building healthy self-esteem is by working on building your skills and competencies. Whether you want to program computers, play the piano, or learn how to surf, building skills with deliberate practice helps grow self-esteem. Pick a valued goal and work on it. Don’t stop to ask yourself if you deserve it or if you think you can achieve it. Just begin to work on it.

Seek Support

Seek teachers, coaches, mentors, religious groups, and cheerleaders to provide support and encouragement. Jackie belonged to a group of high-achieving Black women that formed when they were all college students. She found the support invaluable as they encouraged one another to succeed in an often hostile world.

Developing Resilience

Resilience allows you to bounce back from setbacks and failures, viewing them as opportunities for growth rather than confirmation of your inadequacy. You can cultivate more resilience when you learn to soothe and comfort yourself. Self-calming practices like meditation, mindfulness, and self-compassion can help build resilience and foster a more positive mindset.

Embracing Failure

Recognize that failure is a natural part of the learning process. View it as an opportunity for growth rather than a reflection of your worth. When you reframe failure as a necessary step toward success, you can reduce your fear of taking risks and increase your willingness to pursue your goals (Zhao et al. 2020).

Researchers examined over 776,000 grant applications to the NIH to determine pathways to successful grants. They found that every successful applicant had failed multiple times. One difference between those who ultimately succeeded and those who didn’t was time. Those who succeeded took less time to submit new applications. They didn’t stagnate; they took the critical feedback they received and persisted (Yin et al., 2019).

You can persist, too.

Jackie focused on managing her anxiety symptoms with exercise, meditation, and supportive therapy. She also made time to strengthen her skills in a particular software she needed for work, which helped her feel more competent and confident.

Instead of worrying that failure was a permanent reflection on her worth, she began to see it as one step in her ultimate success story. As her fear of failure lessened, Jackie could focus more on her job. Eventually, her anxiety lifted as she felt more competent in her new role.

All successful people fail. Strive for small improvements, and you will soon notice progress. The work required to become proficient at a complicated task is transferable to any other skill we would like to acquire. As your proficiencies grow, so will your confidence.