Going through a divorce marked by constant arguing and a lack of cooperation can be an emotional roller coaster. Perhaps you’ve even received threats, name-calling, or false accusations from your former partner.
If you’re dealing with anger, blame, or emotional abuse, know that you are not alone. High-conflict divorces often make it more difficult to reach agreements, leading to more court appearances. Unfortunately, these separations tend to drag on. This drives up divorce costs and creates more stress for everyone involved, especially children.
But intentional planning can help you manage what may feel like an uncontrollable experience.
Strategies for Managing Conflict During the Process
Handling a high-conflict divorce can feel overwhelming, especially if your spouse keeps starting arguments or refusing to cooperate. These situations can make even simple decisions difficult. Even so, there are ways to reduce stress and keep things on track. These practical tools can help you protect your time and energy during divorce:
- Download a Co-Parenting App: Use messaging apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents to keep a written record of every conversation. This can reduce miscommunication. These tools let you keep all messages, calendars, and file sharing in one place. They can also help you avoid back-and-forth texts that often escalate conflict.
- Set Your Boundaries and Stick to Them: Make it clear that you will only reply to messages about parenting schedules, school needs, or similar topics regarding your children. If your ex continues to push or insult you, remember that you can and should walk away from the conversation.
- Avoid In-Person Meetings: If face-to-face talks usually lead to shouting or stress, choose another mode of communication for necessary discussions. Stick to email or messages through an app. If you must meet in person for a school event or exchange, select a public place. Even these small steps can make a big difference in setting the tone for your interaction.
- Keep Your Replies Short and Focused: Long responses often give the other person more opportunities to argue. Instead, stick to the point. If you’re replying to a question about pickup time, confirm it and move on. Don’t respond to insults or rehash old issues. A simple, direct message lowers the risk of things getting worse and shows that you won’t take the bait.
- Document Everything: If your ex keeps breaking agreements, missing drop-offs, or causing other problems, write it down. Keep a dated log with short notes about what happened. This record can help your lawyer show a pattern in court if necessary. However, don’t share your log with your ex or mention it during arguments. Just keep it in your back pocket in case you need it.
- Stay Off Social Media: Posting about your divorce, your ex, or anything related to your case can easily make things worse. Even if you feel tempted to vent, avoid sharing anything on social media. If possible, take a break from social media during your divorce process. This is a simple but effective way to protect your case and avoid unnecessary problems for you and your children.
