Education today is underperforming, particularly for gifted special needs students. These talented, curious, and sensitive students are receiving less specialized professional help for their unique asynchronous learning style than ever before.
Often, gifted children quickly understand their favourite subject and have trouble learning how to learn the other “boring” subjects. For example, reading can be very easy and spelling can be hard.
Unfortunately, gifted and talented curriculum and instruction is not getting a lot of attention. Teachers are overwhelmed with assessment responsibilities that are time-consuming, and they have too many students with different learning needs. And gifted children can make a lot of trouble for parents and teachers because they do not like listening to and obeying rules—they want to follow their own directions. Traditional learning can just be too slow in the less challenging parts of the curriculum. Even a good prep school might not be challenging enough (they have tests like any school). Individualized instruction or mentoring is probably the best way to successfully educate the highly gifted student.
Developing Potential Takes Time and Insight
Understanding how gifted children learn is hard to do because talented children are extremely smart, clever, curious, and sensitive. Perfectionistic by nature, they are also resistant learners with an emotional intensity that mirrors their intellectual strengths. And they are sometimes smart enough to hide their intensity, which can make negative situations more difficult to understand and to manage.
Your gifted son may tell you he does not want to go to school any more and doesn’t get ready. You ask, “Is something wrong?” and your son says, “School is stupid.” He will then refuse to share any details. If you persist and ask questions about his day you may figure out what is happening. I suspect that his teachers give too much hard, time-consuming, and boring homework. In addition, he is teased by other children, who make him so ashamed of himself that he does not want go to school.
Hidden Aspects of Giftedness
Another reason it is hard to develop potential in gifted children is related to the hidden or non-obvious aspects of giftedness, which have to be brought out carefully by parents and educators. Giftedness needs to be nurtured or it will not develop. Some parents and teachers seem to believe that any special abilities will emerge soon after birth and then take off.
A child who loves to dance needs experience learning different forms of dance, performing for an audience, and receiving praise and criticism. A talented young writer needs help and encouragement to develop her ideas and to explain them in actual words and hopefully, in publication. Similarly, artistic, musical, and athletic abilities need nurturing no matter what has already been painted or played in concert.
I could go on about what parents should consider if they suspect their child is gifted. Suffice it to say, interest and encouragement are basic to create the expansiveness of a young student’s mind. There are no road maps to follow, although you can glean knowledge from other parents, educators, and gifted adults. The most valuable source of information will be your child’s interests and inclinations. Pay careful attention to what your child is passionate about and develop these and other interests that are compelling for your child or teenager.
Talent Is Hard to Develop
Gifted children are hard to raise and both parents and children need help to get them focused on their talents. Parents call me for advice and insight into their child’s emotional intensity and resistance to scholastic achievement and the completion of homework. Parents and teachers are frustrated by the child’s lack of motivation to complete their work and develop new ideas. Parents ask me, “Is my child really gifted? He is not interested in reading or math. / She does not want to go to school. Finding friends is very difficult. I have to encourage my child to try new activities. They are not interested in creative play/work. Some mornings they don’t want to go to school. Their grandparents complain that the children just want to use their screens. My husband and I are totally overwhelmed by their use of the computer and video games.”
While IQ tests and academic achievement are not the only ways to determine giftedness, passion and indomitable interests are certainly valuable pathways to understanding your child’s idiosyncratic learning style and gifted abilities. Allowing and encouraging your child or teenager’s curiosities is critical to intellectual development, creativity, self-esteem, and intellectual and emotional talents.
What Parents Can Do to Develop Giftedness and Creativity
Getting some help from professionals, family, and friends is a very good place to start. Gifted parent groups will help to develop parental and child friendships. The social experiences and educational conversations between parents and their children are priceless and so valuable. Reaching out to grandparents and experts with talent who show interest in your child’s passions is very critical to motivation and direction.
It helps your child to understand what it means to be gifted. Different parents will do this in their own way. My favourite way to explain giftedness to children is to say, “You learn faster than other children and you show more and deeper interests.” Of course, so much has been written about how to talk with your child about what it means to be gifted, and you should choose your own best way. I am definitely opposed to sharing IQ scores. Professionals are trained to understand what IQ scores mean. Parents don’t have this perspective.
Social experiences at school, in clubs, and with neighbour kids teach children about who they are in relationship to other children and their families. These experiences develop identity. Home and school life are very important to bringing out talents and strong abilities. A predictable life and rich but friendly parent-child communication brings out a lot of specialness in children and teenagers. What parents should avoid is arguing with their children and teenagers about who is right, as it only makes gifted children more perfectionistic.
Hands-On Advice
- Carefully choose a school for your child where giftedness is valued and respected.
- Find challenging after-school enrichment that is a regular event in your child’s week.
- Find social groups for gifted children and parents so that friendships can be established, which provide regular connection among children who are sensitive and sometimes socially awkward.
- Do not listen to parents who call your child spoiled. Highly intense children can be demanding without the need to label them as spoiled.
