How to navigate having a crush in your 20s

I’m just going to say it: Having a crush in your 20s can feel so embarrassing. Like, middle school levels are awkward, but somehow worse because now you’re supposed to be a functioning adult.

Sure, you pay bills, make doctor’s appointments, and juggle work, school, or both—but your brain still short-circuits the minute you catch feelings for someone. All of a sudden, you’re 16 again.

You question every little thing about yourself. What makes me special? Should I change my hair? Do I need to talk more? What do they think about me?

I used to believe crushes faded after high school, or at least felt different as I got older.

By 21, I thought I’d have the confidence to walk up to someone and say, “Hey, I like you.” Simple, right?

Wrong.

If anything, they can feel more intense because the stakes feel higher. You’re not just crushing on someone because they’re cute or sit next to you in class. No, now you have questions like, “Could I see a future with this person?” and “Do they want the same things I want?” or even “Would they fit into my life?” Now you have butterflies with anxiety attacks for the rest of your life.

A crush is every emotion you could ever know, but on a rollercoaster. It takes you on a journey of excitement, overthinking, and—if I’m honest—embarrassment.

What makes it worse is the vulnerability. Having a crush means admitting you like someone, which means admitting that you care. In a world that praises us for being aloof and “low-key,” caring can feel like the ultimate cringe. We feel this pressure to seem detached, too busy living our best lives to be caught up in someone.

But let’s be real: liking someone is human, no matter how old you are.

So, how do I navigate this without completely losing my mind (and dignity)? I remind myself that having feelings is not a flaw. You can easily fall into the trap of thinking you’re “too much” or “doing the most” just because you like someone.

But having a crush is normal. It’s a sign that you’re open, hopeful, and still believe love is out there! There’s no shame in that, or wanting it for yourself.

I’ve also learned to bring myself back to earth. Having a crush can make you lose your mind, especially if you’re used to having so much control in other parts of your life. You control what groceries you get every month, the new outfit you’ll buy, and what routine you’ll follow at the gym.

But not knowing how someone feels about you? It makes your mind race.

Crushes can make you lose sight of your own needs and boundaries because you focus so much on them. Make sure to take time away from the crush and ask yourself: Am I overextending myself to keep their attention? And am I still being true to myself? Don’t make them your entire world and lose who you are in the process.

This next point is hard but important: Release control over how things play out.

Not everyone you meet will be your life partner. Sometimes, you just have a small crush. Maybe it’ll go into a few dates, but don’t think about what you both will look like in the long term. It could even fizzle out after a few dry conversations. Either way, you can’t predict or force what will happen.

Try to keep it light. Just enjoy getting to know someone without attaching all these extra expectations to it if it turns into something real, amazing. But if it doesn’t, that’s fine, too.

Crushes don’t have to be a source of embarrassment.

They can be fun, exciting, and—yes— messy. We always have a part of ourselves that’s hopeful, dreamy, and ready for connection. And honestly? I think that’s kind of beautiful.

Own your crush. Be awkward if you need to. Feel all the feelings. That makes us human—and it’s nothing to be shy about.