Series: Honey what would you like for supper? – The small question that can bring big fights
Aba: What would you like to have for supper?
David: Anything you want to cook, Must I tell you everything.
Aba: Sorry I asked!
David: I mean seriously, you need to stop doing these things. Sometimes you have to take certain steps, initiatives on your own.
Aba: [Aba is still on the line but goes silent on David]
David: There you go again, you gonna tear up, right! That’s why you are silent. Hello…Hello..are you still there Aba. You have to stop doing this. [David starts raising his voice]
David: You need to grow up Aba. Why do you cry anytime we don’t seem to agree on something…no matter how insignificant the thing is? Why can’t you be more like me?
Now, this is a typical conversation of couples who may have daily arguments because of their individual differences and distinct personalities.
These differences, Life Coach Amos Kevin-Annan would say are mostly because of one’s Temperaments.
Temperament clashes exist to some extent in nearly all relationships.
As individuals, we are all different, unique and special beings hence the need to know the temperaments of one’s spouse.
Mr Kevin-Annan believes knowing one’s temperaments will go a long way to manage conflict whenever it occurs.
In 400 BC, Hippocrates observed that there were differences in human behaviour.
Some may argue that a couple who argue together, stay together. Some sort to suggest that couples who argue effectively are likely to have a happy relationship.
But have this in mind, it is not unusual for a wife and husband to differ greatly in terms of temperaments but one’s ability to manage it is what makes the difference.
It is important to be informed and have a basic understanding of your partner’s temperaments.
Life Coach Kevin-Annan, in an interview with Ransford Abossey on Joy FM’ on the topic ‘Knowing your spouse’s temperament‘ details everything there is to know about temperaments.
According to the Life Coach, temperaments are simply traits, personalities that differentiate an individual from another.
“One particular individual may be outgoing, the other may be indoorsy, ” he gave this as a scenario of what temperament could mean.
Mr Kevin-Annan asserts that one’s temperaments can go a long way to inform the other party of one’s ability to manage things like stress and fear.
Before you decide to get married, you need to ask these basic questions regardless of their religious background, “What personality do they have? Do I understand that personality?
He argues that “It doesn’t matter whether they’re Christians or No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t it doesn’t. It’s not about religion. It’s not about faith. It’s got to do with you dealing with a human being. ”
“Would you be able to live with a passenger in the dream, whether you know them intricately, deep, deeply with the temperaments, ” he quizzed.
Psychology, he said will tell you “people show you what they want you to see and what they don’t want you to see you.”
In trying to understand the basic underpinning behind temperaments, the Life Coach notes the need to breakdown every trade of temperaments.
Trade of temperaments
Taking it from two broad categories; the sanguine and the choleric being those who are extroverted and you have the melancholy and the phlegmatic being those who are introverted.
The phlegmatic may be uncool and collected but can be detached from you. Mr Kevin-Annan argues that phlegmatic go into their world, they regrow because they are motivated by self-satisfaction.
For a Choleric, who you call extroverted are those who are driven by an external push but they are not afraid by the external. They are adventurous and risk-takers.
They tend to make quick decisions based on the available information they may have on a subject matter.
“The dominant trait is what you use in assessing and describing them, ” he indicated.
He, however, noted that “one person is truly 100 per cent say colour alaric we have traits of Fibonacci, melancholy and sanguine in them, but what you see dominating the colour.”
- What motivates a Choleric
These individuals are driven by results…a challenge! Mr Kevin-Annan advised that if you have a choleric spouse you don’t have to dare them.
“They are always going to be out to prove you wrong. The general tendencies are that they are result-oriented people so oftentimes they don’t care so much about relationships, ” he added.
He gave an instance where anytime the Choleric boss is meant to respond to Good morning, s/he would ask you if you’ve done the assignment or task instead of the appropriate response to Good morning.
Maybe the spouse is not going to be very romantic always going to show guests, hot discussion.
However, since they want things done, sometimes they may not be evolving when it comes to ‘sweet talk.’
They sometimes have difficulty when it comes to finances and may become victims of impulse buying.
But in one breath, a choleric is one who takes authority and then sits back sometimes also to observe. “So is either he’s going to be fully in charge or you don’t make him the one in charge.”
Now, if you’re living with such a person, these are his general tendencies…
“You give him an area I say you are in control. You give him an opportunity to you as an individual, you are responsible for this. They have a wide scope of oppression. And they always looking for new and varied options, ” Mr Kevin-Annan explained.
“Choleric don’t like regimented stuff, they always very versatile, they want to always try new things, ” he mentioned in the interview.
For instance, for a wife who is choric, the husband has to be very careful not to make a feel she is being controlled.
“You can’t change them into traditional roles. They will fight it and resist it, and it all creates conflict in the relationship. You see many of the women leaders are choleric. ”
They like to have an environment where they can provide direct answers to issues.
They want to speak to the business. So they don’t like to be straight away from the business.
“You don’t stand in front of a choleric ill-prepared, you’ve got to have your script, right, and show that you meet your objectives. Because when you come and you don’t appear to be well organised, the choleric won’t accommodate you.”
Language is so powerful to a Choleric and so if you’re going to live with a choleric there’s a need for you to deal with facts and not them.
“You can peacefully manage everybody. Once you understand them, you will see you first have to appreciate and understand where they’re coming from, he urged.
Mr Kevin-Annan advised that we take time to know each other very well before committing ourselves in a relationship.
He said often people generally have the tendencies of proposing marriage to the person for the very first time.
“Many young men and women over-commit and they tend to over-commit too early, so by the time they discover things that breeds discomfort they find it difficult to detach themselves.
He also noted that sometimes people confuse a spiritual bond with soul ties.
“But bear in mind that every personality type can implicate positively or negatively on a relationship, ” the Life Coach advised.
Listen to the full interview below