The art of letting go – how to fully forgive someone that has hurt you
Forgiving others is essential for physical, mental, and spiritual growth. Unfortunately, it’s one of the hardest things to do, especially when the wound is deep, the betrayal is personal, and the scars still feel fresh.
But you just must do it to experience peace. After all, the thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred that you feel towards someone who has hurt you slow down energies that will disempower you if you continue to let these thoughts occupy space in your head.
Forgiving them means releasing the power that the pain they’ve caused you has over your peace. It means choosing healing over hatred.
You’re probably asking how you can even bring yourself to forgive, because, irrespective of how you try, it’s looking like an impossible journey.
Well, here’s a gentle guide that helps you take the first real steps.
Acknowledge the Hurt (Don’t Bury It)
Let’s face the fact, you can’t heal what you refuse to feel. So, attempting to downplay how you feel will do more harm than good to your healing process. So don’t try to sugar-coat it. Whether it was emotional, verbal, spiritual, or physical – name the hurt. If possible, get a journal and write about it. Cry, if you have to. It’s the honesty with yourself that opens the channels that leads to forgiveness in your heart.
Separate the Person from the Pain
This is usually the hard part. The person may have done something terrible, but they are still human – flawed, broken, like the rest of us. So you must get to the point of accepting that the person has done what they did out of mistake and that it doesn’t represent their personality.
Forgiveness starts when we stop seeing people only through the lens of our pain, and start seeing them through the lens of grace.
Don’t Wait for an Apology
This is one point that often denies people from experiencing real healing. Unfortunately, waiting for an apology may be overexpecting and that is what leads to more disappointments. The truth is:
- They may never say sorry.
- They may never admit what they did.
- They may not even think they were wrong.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean access. You can forgive someone and still protect your space. You can love someone from a distance and still heal.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re unforgiving – it means you’ve learned, grown, and refuse to be wounded twice by the same hand.
Give It Time (and Give Yourself Grace)
Forgiveness isn’t a single decision. It’s a daily choice.
Some days you’ll feel free. Other days, the pain may creep back in. It’s okay. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Just keep choosing to release. Keep choosing peace. You are not weak for struggling – you are strong for trying.