What dating is like for the first time in your 30s

Growing up, everyone seemed to be dating. I can remember the earliest relationship forming when I was in second grade. Two of my classmates held hands at recess, bragging about learning multiplication in math class while the rest struggled with subtraction.

From then on, school became the place to date, and I could barely keep track of who was with whom by the time I entered middle school.

Yet dating culture completely flew over my head.

I wasn’t the type to seek romance. I was a member of a closely-knit friend group where we preferred the idea of love coming to us rather than chasing it. Of course, this didn’t mean crushes were out of the question; I had my fair share of infatuations throughout elementary, middle, and high school. But acting on a crush? The mere thought of doing so seemed painful. It would turn me into a stuttering, blushing mess as if under a spell.

This resulted in me remaining single all those years.

I didn’t get into my first relationship until college. This exposed me to the reality that the adult dating pool is rather limited. Dating apps such as Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble are main contact points for bustling young adults in or out of school; they connect individuals to others they “match” with. If the relationship works out, it paves a new path. The rest is history.

These popular platforms could only do so much for me. Texting someone who was a complete stranger wasn’t ideal in my eyes. Instead, it came across as scary.

I speak for many people when I say that dating is downright terrifying. Meeting someone for the first time already causes nerves to bubble beneath my skin. It places pressure on me that I never had to think about as a child, only concerned with whether recess would be inside or outside. However, meeting a person on the pretense of dating them? The pressure practically skyrockets, making me second-guess everything I say.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be that hard, though.

I’m glad I was patient with myself. Getting into a relationship isn’t for everyone. If I rushed toward the idea without thinking twice, I could’ve dated someone way before college. Would I have been happy? Probably not, because my priorities wouldn’t have stayed true.

In the years when I remained single, I learned about cherishing my individuality, which developed me into a proper adult. I discovered my passions, honed my skills, and built a strong sense of self. Without that room to grow into who I am today, I wouldn’t feel comfortable in the current relationship I’ve found myself in. I wouldn’t even feel safe in my own skin. So I’m not ashamed of dating for the first time in adulthood–and I don’t think anyone else should be.