What’s Boomerasking, and Why Should You Stop Doing It?

There’s a good chance you’ve experienced boomerasking. I bet you’ve even boomerasked from time to time.

Boomerasking is when someone asks a question in conversation and then answers it immediately after their conversation partner’s answer.

Boomerasking has nothing to do with Baby Boomers and everything to do with boomerangs. Someone throws a question, only for it to come back around and be answered by the same person.

What’s an Example of Boomerasking?

Person A: What are your summer plans?

Person B: Not much. Just staying local this year.

Person A: Well, we’re headed to the Amalfi Coast this year. We’re going to spend some time in Tuscany. I’ve never been to Italy, so I’m pretty excited.

Note how Person A answered their own question without any prompting from Person B. That’s a key component of a boomerask.

What Are the 3 Kinds of Boomerasking?

After a battery of boomerasking studies, A.W. Brooks and M. Yeomans categorised boomerasks into three distinct categories.

1. Ask-bragging: This is when the boomerasker asks a question that prompts them to boast about their achievements, successes, or triumphs. If someone asks how you did on the exam and then responds that they aced it, they are ask-bragging.
2. Ask-complaining: This is when someone asks a question in order to complain about something. An example of ask-complaining would be if someone asks a question about someone else’s thoughts on a colleague, only to complain about that very same colleague.
3. Ask-sharing: This is when someone answers their own question with neutral information. If someone asks how many siblings you have and then tells you they have two sisters, that’s ask-sharing.

What’s So Bad About Boomerasking?

The Brooks and Yeomans studies found that boomerasking comes off as egocentric. More than 90 percent of people recalled experiencing boomerasking, and more than 90 percent admitted doing it themselves. When people boomerasked, they were seen as less sincere and even less likable than when they overtly bragged about something.

People boomerask to try to make conversations feel fairer and more balanced. They think boomerasking will make the person they’re talking to feel more involved in the conversation, but the opposite is true. Boomerasking is off-putting and makes people think you only asked to answer.

How Can You Avoid Boomerasking?

1. Be direct. Instead of boomerasking, say what you want to say. People tend to think others will judge them for being direct, for bragging, or for sharing unsolicited information, but the reality is that bragging, complaining, or sharing are received better without the boomerasking. So, say what you want to say without setting it up with a question.
2. Ask follow-up questions. Instead of answering your own question, ask more questions. Try follow-up questions to keep the other person talking.
3. Be curious. Try to shift your mindset from relaying information about yourself to finding out about others. If you catch yourself boomerasking, remind yourself to learn more about others.

I get why people boomerask. I still do it more than I’d like to admit. I was taught not to overshare and not to brag. I was taught to ask people about themselves, even when I didn’t care to hear what their answers were.

But boomerasking doesn’t feel reciprocal. It doesn’t make people feel respected and appreciated. So cut it out.

Stop boomerasking. Instead, try lobbing a question their way and let the conversation evolve from there. Put the boomerang down, and you’ll come off as much more sincere and likable.