Why You Might Struggle To Accept Compliments
Has anyone ever complimented you, but you felt like you couldn’t believe them? Compliments are supposed to make you feel good, but if a compliment sounds sincere and you still can’t accept it, what does that mean about you?
Struggling to accept compliments is normal.
Many people want to run when others give them extra attention or put them on the spot. This can be especially true if you’re an introvert or often feel vulnerable in your interactions with others.
Sometimes hearing compliments just feels awkward. If someone you don’t know well showers you with compliments, it’s natural to feel nervous or apprehensive. However, if you struggle to accept any compliment, your reaction may indicate deeper struggles.
The most obvious reason that people struggle to accept compliments is that, to paraphrase “The Perks of Being A Wallflower” — they feel like they don’t deserve them.
When someone tells you something positive that conflicts with your self-perception, it’s jarring. It feels like you’re looking into a mirror but seeing someone else. To be told that you’re better than you think that you are can make you feel like a cartoonish, manipulative villain with a hideous secret hiding under a beautiful cloak. While this is an understandable reason why you might struggle to accept compliments, it’s not a great mindset to stay in. Worse, it can cause you to only accept harsh criticism as “true.”
Another reason that you may struggle to accept compliments is that someone hurt you in the past, so you’ve become wary of anyone who says something nice about you. What if they’re making a joke that you’re not in on? What if they’re drawing you in to eventually hurt you? Anyone who’s been the target of backhanded or sarcastic “compliments” knows that these unkind words make it nearly impossible to accept future compliments. It’s easier to trap a fly with honey than with vinegar, and some people can do that so skillfully that for their victims, all “honey” eventually looks poisoned.
That instinct to deny compliments is self-preservation, so it doesn’t just vanish.
To learn to accept compliments, you have to gradually regain trust in others. It’s a risk that forges all human connections.
Your place in society also impacts the compliments that you believe you can accept.
Society tells women that one of the greatest social sins is vanity or pride. Most “villainous women” are talented, proud, solitary people who trample others in pursuit of “narcissistic” desires. Although pop culture also shows us plenty of examples of “strong women” too, some of these icons have a lot of self-hatred. It’s only because these women believe that they aren’t enough that they push themselves to become heroes. It’s as if once women define themselves rather than letting others define them, then they all become “less of a woman.” This perspective has a heavy impact on how women feel that they’re “allowed” to see themselves.
If you struggle to accept compliments, you don’t need to change your mindset overnight. This habit is difficult to break completely. But when you understand why you might think the way that you do, it becomes easier not to let negative thoughts manifest as unhealthy actions. Once you know why you avoid accepting compliments, you can take small steps to help you believe the good things that others say about you.