‘Mrs.’ is a title which is generally used for married women who do not have another professional or academic title. The term originates from the word ‘Mistress’ (the female equivalent of Mister or Master) and was historically applied to both married and unmarried women.
Over time, the word ‘Mistress’ evolved to take on multiple meanings and was defined by Samuel Johnson in his 1755 Dictionary as: “1. A woman who governs; correlative to subject or servant; 2 A woman skilled in anything; 3. A woman teacher; 4. A woman beloved and courted; 5. A term of contemptuous address; 6. A whore or concubine.”
As its meanings diversified—some of them acquiring undesirable connotations—it became necessary to create distinctions. Linguists began to distinguish between married and unmarried women, giving rise to the titles ‘Mrs’ and ‘Miss’ respectively and the subsequent introduction of “Ms” in the early 20th century as a neutral alternative irrespective of marital status.
The Modern Use of “Mrs”
Today, many women around the world adopt their husbands’ surname upon marriage and use the title “Mrs” as a mark of honour and social distinction. For some women, it is a source of pristine pride, and any failure to acknowledge or respect it is considered discourteous. This I find rather puny and an unquestioned adoption of a western practice that undermines self-definition. It diminishes a woman’s so-called femininity, infantilises her individuality, and intrinsic ability to define herself outside of marriage.
Identity. I do not think your identity as a woman should be subsumed in the identity of any other human being. As an individual, the creator intended for you to be distinct, unique and pursue your own path of purpose and significance. The notion of oneness as provided for in the scriptures implies something much deeper than a mere appropriation of names. It more accurately refers to a union of hearts and minds in the purposeful pursuit of your collective and individual endeavours.
Historical Examples
Margaret Thatcher (born Margaret Hilda Roberts), was the longest serving British Prime Minister and the first woman to ever hold that office. She married Denis Thatcher in 1951, but it was her achievements, not her husband’s name, that earned her a place in history. Mrs Thatcher’s biographer is quoted as saying that Mr. Denis Thatcher became a celebrity “exclusively because of whom he had married”, an illustration of how these naming conventions can obscure the source of real achievement.
Divorce – one of the most painful disruptions of human relationships is an unfortunate reality for many. According to data from the Accra Metropolitan Assembly, over one (1) in four (4) marriages registered in 2021 got dissolved. Other studies suggest that nearly 40% of all marriages in Ghana end in divorce. While I pray that your marriage lasts till eternity, the sad and sometimes ignominious possibility of a divorce is a potent reality.
And in the unfortunate event of that happening, a woman faces a dilemma. She either retains the name of a man from whom she is legally separated or assumes the monumental responsibility of updating everyone to now address her as “thus and so”.
In her memoir “Unbowed”, Wangari Maathai (born Wangari Muta) narrates the story of how her husband Mwangi Mathai filed for divorce in 1979, citing her attributes as “being too strong-minded for a woman” and his inability to “control her”. Following a contentious divorce, Mr. Mathai, through his lawyers, demanded that Wangari drop his surname from her name. Instead of changing her public identity entirely, she added an extra “a” to become Wangari Maathai. She would go on to fight for many causes, including democracy, environmental conservation, and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2004, all of this honour coming to her as Wangari Maathai (a modified name of her ex-husband she had adopted at marriage) with zero association to her Muta family.
Lineage and Legacy
Your name typifies your genealogy and ostensibly preserves its tenets and assumed or given attributes. Your name also keeps alive the memory and cultural symbolism of your forebears, and its abandonment only extinguishes what your genealogy represents. A woman should feel empowered to retain her own name in marriage.
Any woman who assumes the name of her husband symbolically situates her life within the ambit of a man whose heart and will are either shaped by God or the devil himself. Hopefully, your husband’s actions are divinely guided and inspired, but in the ill-fated event that the devil’s philosophy holds sway in your husband’s thoughts and conduct, then, perhaps like Wangari, you might need extraordinary revelation knowledge and strong will to redeem yourself from an inglorious association. Just imagine if we had a certain “Oprah Graham” instead of “Oprah Winfrey” or, on the other hand, imagine that we had a certain “Gloria Lamptey” who was previously known as “Gloria Appiah”.
To be safe, keep your name. That way, every greatness or infamy you achieve shall be appropriately traced to the person that named you. And if your husband is lucky or unlucky as the case may be, a little of it would reflect on him, FOREVER!
By: M. Muniru Husseini, PhD
The writer is a Marketing Strategist and lecturer
Email: muniru.husseini@gmail.com Mobile: 0244355576
