6 Boundaries That Will Strengthen Your Relationship

When discussing boundaries, people often mention things like, “I turned down an invitation to a party I didn’t want to attend,” or “I told my sister I wasn’t going to lend her money.” And while boundaries are important for all of our relationships, most people think less about boundaries in romantic relationships.

Even when you’re married or in a long-term relationship, you still need boundaries with your partner. You have a right to privacy; you can have your own friends, your own social media accounts, and time to yourself that doesn’t involve your partner. Setting boundaries that help you do those things will actually strengthen your relationship.

Create Boundaries That Help You Thrive

It’s important to think about what you need to be your best and what boundaries will help you thrive. What’s best for one person or one couple may not work for another.

If you want to share a social media account, and you’re both on board with that, no problem. If, however, you want to have separate accounts and don’t want your partner to read your private messages, that’s OK, too. Unless there’s been a betrayal in the relationship, you might find you both appreciate having freedom on social media.

Most couples don’t talk about their individual boundaries or the boundaries they want to set as a couple. Instead, those boundaries unfold over time and often don’t get revised until there’s a crisis or until one person grows resentful.

Here are six types of boundaries I share in my book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do. Consider how you’d answer the questions and think about whether you might need tighter boundaries in some areas of your life.

• Physical: If your partner is in the bedroom with the door shut, do you knock, or is it OK to just walk in? If your partner walks away during a disagreement, do you follow them?
• Financial: How much money do you feel comfortable spending on something before talking to your partner first? Will you share all your money or keep some money separate?
• Social: When it comes to scheduling activities with friends that don’t involve your partner, at what point would you talk to your partner first? If the plans were on the weekend? If the plans involved spending money? If the plans were during a time when your partner was home?
• Sexual: Have you communicated the things you aren’t comfortable doing with your partner? Have you told your partner about the things you’d like to do?
• Emotional: If an ex reaches out to you on social media, is it OK to respond? What if an ex reaches out to your partner?
• Time: Are there times when you need to be by yourself? If so, how do you communicate that to your partner?

Establish and Revise Boundaries Over Time

Boundaries aren’t meant to punish or change someone else’s behaviour. Instead, they should be guidelines that help you maintain inner peace so you can thrive.

Have an ongoing conversation with your partner about your needs. Discuss any changes you’d like to make. If your partner crosses a boundary, discuss it.

Keep talking about boundaries you’ll set as a couple as well—such as not loaning money to family or saying no to social activities that interfere with your quality time together as a couple.

Talking about boundaries regularly is one of the best things you can do to keep your relationship strong over time.