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‘Don’t be a house wife, it leaves you vulnerable’

Source David Papa Bondzie-Mbir

Women make sacrifices for the sake of their families. Sacrifices that end or temporarily freeze their careers. Sacrifices that sometimes leave them at mercy of their partners—physical and emotional abuse, poverty and downright disrespect.

A relationship expert on Facebook, David Papa Bondzie-Mbir, shared the thoughts of a fan about why women should not sit home in the name of being housewives.

I have a piece of advice for women. A lot of the times, I read just the first paragraph of the manner in which matters unfold in people’s relationships and marriages.

I know without a shred of doubt that the woman is financially handicapped, or in some cases, is capable. But has decided not to because as we have been told that men must take care of us.

The reason that a man feels you cannot question him even when he’s being ridiculous is because you are not contributing a dime to the home. Yes!

The reason he lifts his hand against you at the slightest provocation is because you cannot even buy bandages for your wounds without him.

He dares you to choose between your mom and him or your sanity and him because he knows you cannot afford to live just a week without him.

He’s disrespecting you privately and publicly because he knows he has you around his fingers.

You cannot change your hair or underwear if he doesn’t approve. You are sweating doing house chores and he still brings you the baby to strap at your back so that he can chat away on his phone.

This is because your contributions are near negligible. Yes, everyone can cook and clean. But money calls the shots.  Ugly truth.

He’s bringing in women and staying hours ‘unend’ on phone with them because all you do is lie down and wait for him.

He deems your contributions during conversations worthless because heck! Your brain is full of unreal issues stemming from TV shows and hearsays.

You are not up to speed. Akans will say, “way3 atete kwaa, wonim de3” to wit you are antiquated. And he may be right on that one. That’s why he would rather chat with office girls.

They understand stock market at least. He’s proud of their hustle and accords them respect for it. He may not admit it, but it is what it is.

For some of us women, if our husbands drop dead, our kids cannot continue schooling. Yes, in this age and time and with all the opportunities available to us. Get out and look for a job and watch him turn reasonable overnight.

Watch your status change from liability to asset. Watch him discuss important matters and take decisions with your input. Watch him put projects on hold because you say so!

Engage in online selling, begin to afford your basic needs and that of the kids and watch him sit up! Online selling is even workable for moms who have to stay at home for the sake of infants. Get out to look for by day jobs and watch your dignity return.

Sometimes, we get too comfortable! How do you get comfortable to the extent of relying on someone for your basic needs?

Even with your own parents, do you realise how their respect for your person, decisions and privacy shot up once you started earning an income?

Yes, that’s when they appreciate that you are an adult and capable. Forget the love, forget the vows, forget all the euphemisms we employ in marriage, money rules!

You have no value if you bring in no value. Simple as that.

Get out of bed. Get out of the couch. You have watched enough TV and soaps and social media. Life is a hustle. Some women are in Kejetia as early as 4am.

You know what they do? They buy fresh farm produce from villagers and sell, by 12 noon, they have money for the rest of the day/week/month.

They have beds too, they love sleep too, but too much is at stake to be stretching all day and calling a man to buy soap or electricity on his way home because you cannot afford it.

I agree that some men will still misbehave even if you bring in a 100 per cent, that’s another topic altogether.

This one here is for when your dignity is tied to your contributions. A man may profess love (good) but he’s mere mortal.

The confidence for life and to face the challenges it presents comes from the ability to stand on your own feet.

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