I will marry @ 40
Some people are dying to get married quickly. Others are in no hurry at all. Some have set specific times and are waiting till that time comes.
You may have heard this before. “I am waiting until I have built or bought a house.” “I want to finish my PhD first.” I have to reach a certain level in my career.” Some young people want to be established, having EVERYTHING they want before they make a move towards getting married.
The standards vary greatly.
It is important to be able to take care of yourself and support your partner in marriage but to want to have everything before getting married is unrealistic.
Where is this idea coming from? Why would anyone want to wait to achieve everything (or be fully established) before getting married?
You read right. I said, Insecurity.
That could not be the only reason, but it is among the most important reasons.
Both males and females fall for this ideology. As stated above, the reasons are many and varied, but the idea is the same, and the underlying issue is insecurity.
These stem from a lack of understanding of MARRIAGE. If we really grasp the concept of marriage as God has instituted, there will be no place for such positions.
God intended that two people would come together as one. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 AMPC
The two becoming one is a union that has no limits. God intends marriage to be permanent; to last forever.
“He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” Matthew 19:8 KJV
In God’s design, marriage was meant to last forever, as long as the two shall live.
It is supposed to be a union of trust.
Marriage is about trust. The two people must be able to rely upon each other. These are the reasons everyone should be sure about the person they intend to marry. It is a great mistake to rush into marriage with someone you don’t know and cannot trust.
There is a growing culture of mistrust among young people. Many young people cannot trust another person enough to entrust their life or possessions to them. It is not even about whether the other party is trustworthy or not. Some people simply do not trust others.
Not everyone is trust unworthy. There are many trustworthy people in this world. You only need to make sure the people in your life are reliable. How unfortunate it is to not trust anyone.
Boarding a bus whose driver you don’t know is a trust relationship, albeit, short-lived one. You have automatically trusted the driver to know how to drive and be a safe driver, to take you to your destination safely. We do many other things without considering that we have reposed trust automatically in people. Some of these are everyday activities.
Marriage is serious business and cannot be entered into carelessly. It is one that calls for trust.
Anyone who fears that something may happen to jeopardize their marriage and threaten their security and possessions is not ready for marriage.
Many young people are scared that if they get married and the marriage breaks, they will lose what they have worked hard for. “If we marry and something happens for which we have to separate, I can say that I was self made before the other person came in.” Another thing is that, if they have not worked hard enough for themselves, their partner may have that as a bait to hook them unto, mocking and disgracing them in adversity. For instance, if I am not rich and the other is the one taking care of me, it gives them the upper hand and they may use my situation against me. These are real situations and are true. But that is the reason why you should marry someone you can trust.
In marriage, there is interdependence. There’s a popular saying that, “No man is an island to himself.” Everyone depends on others to some extent. If you feel insecure depending on others, you cannot be depended upon. This is the reason why we should be able to bury our insecurities and be able to trust and depend on others. The important thing is to choose wisely, whom to depend on.
Marriage is forever, not for when it works or as long as it works. So young people need to understand that marriage must be made to work, and not entered into as a trial.
The two people should build life together forging ahead into the future.
DR FRED SAFO
You should be able to pride yourself in what your spouse has helped you achieve or what you have achieved together and not what you have achieved on your own. When you dwell so much on your own achievement, it can fuel insinuations of separation in case of misunderstanding.
This is the reason it has to be done well from the initiation.
You don’t need to fear. You rather need to be cautious.
Be bold and take a step towards marriage – one of trust. This way, when you have lost your job and for that period, your spouse needs to take care of you, you will not be scared that you are in trouble.