This 10-second trick immediately makes you a better conversationalist, according to emerging Harvard research
Charles Duhigg, the author of the bestselling book “The Power of Habit,” recently published “Supercommunicators to help readers have better conversations — pushing past surface-level, tedious chats that don’t foster meaningful connection.
When it comes to conversations with new or new-ish people, there is one research-backed hack for “almost any time where you have that little bit of dread or a little anxiety” talking to someone, Duhigg told Business Insider.
And it only takes 10 to 20 seconds.
Prepare at least 3 quick topics
“If you’re going to a holiday party, if you are going to a work function, it really helps to just jot down three topics in advance,” Duhigg told BI.
He learned this from Alison Wood Brooks, an associate professor and researcher at Harvard Business School currently studying the effects of topic preparation with researchers at LSE, Imperial, and Wharton.
Brooks told Business Insider that her research is still ongoing. However, three studies of live, face-to-face conversations have found that speakers are more confident and verbally dextrous if they brainstorm flexible topics ahead of time.
These are topics that the speaker can bring up, but they don’t have to — simply doing the prep will calm you down and skill you up.
In his book, Duhigg suggested options forpossible topics:
You probably won’t get to the topics
Don’t spend too much time trying to find the best topics, because you likely won’t get to them, according to Duhigg.
“Most of the time, you won’t actually discuss those things, but your anxiety levels will go down considerably because you feel like you have something to fall back on,” Duhigg said. “If there’s an uncomfortable silence, you know exactly what you’re going to bring up.”
He said the preparation is worth it, if only to give you peace of mind, because “the more calm and relaxed we are, the easier it’s going to be for us to really connect with someone and have a great conversation.”
It’s a good habit for all conversations
Brooks told The New York Times that you don’t necessarily need to write down topics way in advance. “Even just thinking about one or two ideas in the 20 seconds before a conversation seems to help,” she said.
While it can seem forced or like extra work, Duhigg said the technique can help you build a deeper relationship with someone.
“If I care about communicating with you enough that I take a couple of seconds and jot down some topics, I’m not doing anything inauthentic,” he said. “I’m showing you that I genuinely want to connect with you, and there’s nothing that feels better than that.”