How to Love (and Stay Attracted to) Your Partner Over Time
The spark and fire of new love can be nothing short of awe-inspiring. The passion and love can be intense: You can’t get enough. As time slips by, though, the fiery spark can wane.
Sometimes, couples seem just as much in love and attracted to one another after many years as they were in the beginning. But other times, it can seem like a couple is more like two people who simply choose to live together than romantic partners. What does the former do differently than the latter to keep the fire burning?
It all comes down to several key differences in couples who burn bright despite their years together and ages. Let’s take a closer look at how to stay in love and remain physically attracted to a partner over the years.
1. Physical Appearance
Do you remember what it was like when you first met? You likely put effort into your outward appearance because you wanted the other person to see you as attractive. Couples with the power to maintain physical attraction to one another throughout the years tend to never stop trying to look pleasing to their significant other.
This may mean something as simple as wearing a certain type of clothing because you know your partner enjoys it or something more committal, like working to stay in shape.
What the opposite looks like: One partner doesn’t seem to care if the other is physically attracted to them or rarely takes pride in their outward appearance.
Red-flag warning: You or your partner are more inclined to look pleasing to someone else.
2. Trust and Respect
Being able to rely on your partner to meet your needs and have faith that they will respect you even when you’re not around is huge. If trust and respect are lost, lost love and attraction almost always quickly follow. While broken trust is not a be-all-end-all, it must be spotlighted, dissected, and repaired for the good of the relationship.
What the opposite looks like: One partner does not make the other feel confident in themselves or the stability of the relationship.
Red-flag warning: One of you avoids accountability when you do something wrong and shows no interest in mending the fissure that the lost sense of trust or respect can create.
3. Interdependence
Couples who seem built to make it through life in harmony and steady attraction depend on one another for specific needs, but they also know how to celebrate and benefit from one another’s differences.
What the opposite looks like: Partners who rely on each other in almost every aspect of their lives rarely have friends, activities, or identities outside the relationship, and they suffer for it.
Red-flag warning: One partner’s sense of self-worth becomes entirely reliant on the other’s validation and approval.
4. Confidence
Self-awareness of your strengths and what you bring to the table as individuals is important in long-term relationships. You both should be happy with who you are as people and enjoy sharing that inherent worth in the partnership.
What the opposite looks like: Your partner is insecure, always comparing themselves to someone else, and has little sense of self-confidence in who they are or confidence in your relationship.
Red-flag warning: Insecurities are so severe that unwarranted trust issues or baseless claims of infidelity emerge.
5. Adventure and Laughter
Stagnancy can snuff both love and attraction. If you never have fun together or break out of the day-to-day mundane, the spark you once had can dim pretty quickly. In many cases, it’s easy to forget why you felt attracted to someone if you never share new experiences or fun. Remember: In the beginning, your relationship was new, but everything you experienced as a couple was also new. Strive to create new moments together to keep your union interesting.
What the opposite looks like: You never try anything new as a couple and rarely ever find yourself having fun or laughing together.
Red-flag warning: You or your partner prefer to experience adventure and fun with others.