The 11 Non-Negotiable, Unspoken ‘Rules’ Of Marriage
I cannot believe that my husband and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in a few months.
It seems like just yesterday I walked down the aisle in a beautiful beaded gown and flip-flops. And yet, somehow, it also seems like decades ago that we were joined together by God and a band of white gold. It’s surreal stuff.
During these fleeting, yet dragging, years, I’ve discovered the 11 unspoken rules in happy, healthy marriages.
1. Just nod and agree.
You may think that’s the silliest idea you’ve ever heard, but just nod your pretty little head and hope it works out for him. Because it’s better to let the little things roll off your back instead of starting a fight.
2. Never say, ‘I told you so.’
It didn’t work out, did it? Well, don’t say a word. You’ll thank yourself later.
3. Know when to shut your trap.
You may be a very vocal wife, but know when to keep your lips zipped.
For example, while your man is assembling your children’s play set in 102-degree heat, he’ll probably misplace some nuts, bolts, and his sanity. As the expletives flow from his lips like water, now is not the time to ridicule his ridiculous work method or his lack of instructions.
Just take him some sweet tea and stay in the shade.
4. Keep your opinions about his family to yourself.
If you must recite the Serenity prayer every time you pull into the in-laws’ driveway, only do it in your head. Never speak it in front of him… while sobbing and clutching a Rosary.
When you marry someone, you “marry” their family as well. Even if you don’t get along with the in-laws, keeping your negative opinions to yourself will save you from hours of arguing.
5. Don’t threaten divorce every time something minor happens.
He set his glass on the table without a coaster, but there’s no need to draft an itemized list of what you want in the divorce (although, you’d let him keep the table with the drink ring). No disagreement or bad habit is worthy of this type of threat.
You’re not going anywhere. He’s not going anywhere. Take the lawyer off the speed dial.
6. Don’t share intimate stuff with strangers.
Maybe a 30-second commercial lasted longer than last night in the bedroom. Maybe he got so drunk he went to the bathroom in the aquarium’s water tank. Maybe he lost his job because of something ridiculous.
No matter what it was, there’s no need to put it on social media or tell all of your friends. Respect your man and know when to keep private things… well, private.
7. No cheating. (Duh.)
Cheating throws a wrench into your relationship and leads to a lack of trust. And nobody wants that.
You don’t want him petting the waitress. He doesn’t want you petting anything. You know better. Just don’t do it.
8. Never stop celebrating together.
Who cares if you’ve spent the last two decades of holidays with the same man? Celebrate them big each time, as if it were the first Christmas, first Valentine’s Day, or first birthday.
As soon as you stop celebrating together, sparks start to fizzle. Buy him some new sunglasses, even though you know he’ll lose them within a month… Okay, a week.
9. Know the correct answer.
He should know how to answer, “Am I still hot?” “Is she prettier?” and “Is my lasagna edible?” And you should know how to answer, “Do you mind if I watch football?”
Who cares if you don’t want to watch football? That man ate your lasagna last night. Cut him some slack.
10. Follow the golden rule.
It’s quite simple. Treat him the way you want to be treated, and if he’s a good one, he’ll reciprocate the love and respect. Any good marriage is built on both of those things — love and respect — and it’s the bare minimum for any spouse.
But no matter how often you hold in your farts, he’s never going to hold in his. That’s life. That’s marriage. Accept it.
11. Remember: honeymoons don’t last forever.
They just don’t, no matter how you may feel in the moment or those first few years together. Marriage takes a lot of hard work once the butterflies die and the excitement dwindles.
Love isn’t a feeling. It’s an action. And by action, I don’t mean act all crazy and run away with the UPS guy because your husband forgot to do the dishes. It’s a “grass isn’t always greener” type of thing, you know?
Enjoy your marriage. Enjoy each other. Enjoy these unspoken rules. You know they’re true.
Well sometimes you marry Wrong partner and it’s only after the honeymoon that you find out the truth about them. People should not be told that staying in Wrong incompatible/emotionally abusive marriage is equal to someone who just has regular problems after honeymoon. Too many Ghanaians tolerate being used and abused just for the sake of marriage. Typically, the problems after honeymoon are the reality of the partner showing you who they truly are. In about third of the cases, grass is truly greener on the other side. Two people marrying in church, it does not yet mean God has approved both of them to be together. Only time can show the truth.
The problem is when one partner is immature or abusive, and the other one is a victim who would do better to leave (grass is often greener at the other side!!!), Everyone keeps telling them all marriages are hard. I was there. Everyone kept telling me all marriages are terrible so I have to bear my terrible marriage and so on and follow such rules. It’s only when I stopped being a coward and divorced, that I realised how Wrong everyone was. I got approval from the court that my spouse was abusive and not competent for marriage. But I Lost ten years trying to listen to such advices. No marriages are not supposed to be too hard, when you marry the right person!!! It’s when you are staying with Wrong or abusive partner that you have to “work hard”. When you are with the right person you wont call it difficult, you won’t complain, because you love them and you do it with Grace for both of you. The people who complain are usually right and these advices won’t help them. There’s crucial difference and many people who have terrible marriages need to hear the truth, heal and find better partner for themselves.
You speak as if we were supposed to accept just anything and work hard. The fact that two people chose to marry does not yet mean they are mature, compatible, and psychologicaly healthy. Often the time will show whether they chose the right person. It’s good to warn them of leaving wrong marriage before they have 5 kids, because that’s how long it usually takes for one to recognize that people advice them wrong and that relationships are not supposed to be terrible like you describe them. Find the right person, that’s the first advice. Then you’ll agree and laugh on most issues with them.